why I embrace perfectionism

How do we ditch perfectionism once and for all? It’s what every chronic perfectionist wants to learn, which is why the internet is chock full of tips and tricks promising to free us from this self-imposed prison. 

But what if we decide to embrace perfectionism instead of fighting it? What if it isn't all bad?

I am a perfectionist through and through. As an HSP too, being a stickler for details is part of how I tick. But attempting to quash my perfectionist impulse has never, ever worked for me —at least not for very long. Still, like most people, I would experience perfectionism as stress-inducing, exhausting, and ultimately debilitating. But now I don’t, and all it took was a shift in my perspective.

For a chronic perfectionist, life is all or nothing. When you aim to perfectly clean your house, perfectly teach your course, perfectly raise your kids, perfectly contour your eyebrows, perfectly do anything and everything ad infinitum, you are bound to burn out while your to-do list keeps getting longer.

But what if we think of perfectionism as a precious, limited resource? What if each day we wake up knowing there is only a small amount of perfectionism at our disposal?

Then we might ask: What should I use it for? And what should I NOT waste it on? Because if it’s a limited resource, it can’t be used for everything. Maybe a couple of tasks at most. 

What does thinking about perfectionism this way accomplish? Why not ditch it altogether?

Well, if we want to grow and accomplish great things, we know that we need to --in the words of Joli Jensen, author of Write No Matter What-- "reach beyond our grasp." But perhaps we can add a caveat to this exhilarating maxim: maybe not all of the time!

For me, perfectionism is about reaching for more, trying my absolute best, and holding myself to exceptionally high standards. And over the years, this approach has proven effective countless times. I've planned Pinterest worthy parties; written winning grant proposals; produced beautiful, moving poetry; earned incredibly high teaching evaluation scores that top the department average... Clearly, perfectionism does get us places some of the time! Doing away with it altogether may be stunting, and likely overkill. So instead of fighting it, why not selectively embrace it?

When I think of perfectionism as a daily, limited resource I understand that something like my dissertation cannot be perfectly done. Why? Because it's a MASSIVE project that takes days, weeks, and years to complete. Yes, I’d like to write a near perfect dissertation. But to accomplish that, some days I can most definitely write crappy first drafts, brainstorm distractedly on my phone, and skim some books instead of reading them cover to cover. In other words, not everything I do towards my dissertation has to harness my best efforts. I can decide when to call on my perfectionism and when to save it for something else --like trying to make dairy and grain-free croissants from scratch --now that would require my A-game!

When I assign my perfectionism to only 1 or 2 manageable tasks a day, I know that everything else I do can and should be mediocre --by design. And because I've made peace with that beforehand, I don’t have to deal with any of the usual fallout as I go about my day, like feelings of paralysis, inadequacy, frustration, and disappointment.

Perfectionism doesn’t have to be a bad thing. We don't have to wrestle it or wish it away. Maybe putting it to work for some tasks and not others can propel us forward intentionally, instead of perpetually weighing us down.